Answers from Aunt Morgan

Dear Aunt Morgan,
I like a guy at my school and he seems to like me, too. We do a lot of things together. Unfortunately, whenever we go somewhere, he doesn't have much money so I have to pay for his Starbucks or McDonald’s. He said his parents don’t give him much of an allowance. I don’t mean to complain, but I don’t get much allowance, either. How can I get him to pay his fair share? – Poor in Pendik

Dear Poor in Pendik,
It sounds like you have a little problem with your guy here. I feel for you. It sounds like you and this guy have switched roles in your relationship. He may need to be reminded that he is the guy and that he should consider paying for his share instead of leaving it all on you. Try explaining the way you feel about constantly having to pay. Perhaps just back off and let him be the man. If he doesn't like what you have to say and he dumps you then you just saved yourself a heap of trouble of figuring out if he was worth it. It may be difficult to be dumped but it may take that. There are so many other guys out there who are better, worth your time, and would enjoy paying for your meal. If he is truly poor and doesn't have any money, why go out to places all the time? You can have just as much fun hanging out at a park or watching a movie at each others house. You could plan activities that would be both fun and cheap.
Yours Truly,
Aunt Morgan

Dear Aunt Morgan,
My husband and I are raising four beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, age 15, has admitted to us that she has been drinking alcohol at parties on weekends. She says she never gets drunk but always has one drink because "everyone else is doing it" and she doesn't want to look "weird."

My husband and I never drink. Alcohol is not served in our home. Our daughter is an honor student and never has caused us any trouble. She says we should appreciate her honesty and not be angry with her. How should we handle this? — Beside Ourselves Buyuk Cekmece

Dear B.O.B.C,
It sounds like you have a big problem with you eldest daughter. I understand that she is an honors students and that she is honest and you should be proud of her for that. It takes of a lot of guts to tell parents something that serious. That doesn't mean she should go unpunished. Drinking is a major thing. It is extremely dangerous and foolish. You should explain to her the dangers of drinking. Also, let her know that if her "friends" think she is weird for not drinking then they are not true friends. True friends will like her for who she is not what she drinks. I would stress to her the importance of not drinking and tell her that you appreciate her honesty. Let her know that because she was honest you are not going to be as mad as you would have been if you found out from someone else, but still let her know that you are angry and this is no light matter.
Yours Truly,
Aunt Morgan


Dear Aunt Morgan,
I recently moved to Turkey. I feel isolated because there are few American families here, and I do not speak Turkish. I home-school my kids, so we don’t have many opportunities to meet other foreigners. It has been five months, and I still can't get over the culture shock. I spend my days cooped up with my kids, unable to do the simplest things. I can't seem to live up to my husband's expectations, and he has become quite critical. This is hurting our marriage. Please help me before I go crazy. — Anonymous Sufferer

Dear Anonymous Sufferer,
I feel your suffering. There are many people who go through what you are experiencing. It is completely normal to feel this way. I myself have felt this way at some time or another. Try and get together with the few American families that are living there. Talk to some of them. See if they felt this way when they first arrived. Get their advice on how they overcame it. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. He may be experiencing the same things you are. Don't leave each other in the dark. He may be going through culture shock as well and that is why he is being so critical. Ask him to help out around the house or with the kids. Let him help you out. Also, you need to face your fears. Get a language teacher to help you learn the language. Go out to stores or go pay the bills and try to use what little language you know. Invite your neighbors over for tea. You will never learn if you don't try. Keep moving forward and everything will work out. Culture shock may take some time to get over, but try to get past it. Don't wallow in it.
Yours Truly,
Aunt Morgan